Today a friend asked if I would be willing to talk with a group of high school students. My knee jerk reaction was that they are scary (they are!) I assumed I’d be talking about distracted driving but she said that the topic is living life with purpose. I may have laughed a little, what do I know about living life with purpose? I feel very unqualified.
I’ve been pondering this most of the day. When we got home and I started to figure out what to make, I opened up the fridge and Holy Toledo did it stink. Seriously, gross. I considered throwing away the refrigerator. Instead, I started to chip away at the nasty. Little by little, toss, clean, wash.
I bribed the kids to help. This took a long time, the tossing, evaluating, scrubbing, and washing; all while debating what in the world I knew about living with purpose.
After my husband John was killed, things got bad. Really bad. It was as bad as you could imagine, probably worse. I wasn’t able to keep up with any of my responsibilities. I was failing at the things I had been doing for years, and all of his responsibilities left to me, and all of the paperwork when someone dies.
People (lots and lots and lots of people) helped but still, I floundered. I wasn’t doing well. The kids weren’t doing well. I had a full-fledged mental breakdown.
My life stunk, just like the fridge. There was no way possible I could keep up with everything. So I didn’t. I stopped. I cut off communication people who were judgemental and dismissive. I let go of the stuff that didn’t matter. I cleared out everything entirely. Mean Girls had it right.
When you get bit by a snake, you have to suck out all of the poison, that’s what I had to do, suck all the poison out of my life.
Cady Heron, Mean Girls
I made time for the things that brought me peace and a sense of accomplishment (hello, rainbow wall). I made myself a priority and became selfish with my time and energy.
I hope next time, I am able to recognize when I need a change (before the leftover chicken is growing fur.)
Before there is a noticeable odor when walking by.
Before I am considering tossing the fridge.
It was bad. Really, really bad.
I hope that I’m able to keep the good, but take inventory when something is no longer good for me and wish it well and goodbye. Keep the things that are important to me in stock and unexpired. Share the goodness that I am able, like the string cheese that is easily accessible for the kids. And keep things that are special safe, like John’s can of Ol’ Mil tucked away in case of ghost John needing a drink when he visits.
And don’t fill every last space with junk.
So, what do I know about living with purpose? Not a lot, but I’m learning every day. I do know that cleaning that fridge took forever, long enough to relate my entire life to it. I’ve decided to put a calendar reminder to do it sooner next time.
In the Blink of a Fly is led by Leah Fullenkamp. Leah is the mother of four young children. Their lives were tragically altered after a crash caused by distracted driving killed her husband and her children’s father. This website is the tale of them learning to live again and serves as a passion project to help prevent distracted driving and this tragedy from happening to someone else.
