Christmas was John’s favorite holiday. He always wanted to decorate early, like really, really early. I made him wait until Halloween was over but come the beginning of November he was ready! He always said it was his favorite time of year because farming slows down and his workload at his day job typically slowed down too. He would have more time at home with me and our kids.
Now, with John gone, Christmas is hard. The kids still want the tree up early, but for me, it’s a reminder of everything that has changed. John’s not home. We aren’t the family we dreamed of being. For the kids, it is a reminder of just how much their dad loved them, and Christmas! At the beginning of December, we celebrate St. Nick’s Day
St. Nick’s Day Traditions
Traditions are so important in our family, I talked about just how important they are to helping kids handle grief. Every year St. Nick brings us a nice hardcover book, at the beginning of December. We add this to the bedtime story as a countdown to Christmas. We add a copy of our Christmas card, handprints, drawings, and a family picture among other things. This year, our first Christmas without John it was so important to continue this tradition, a lot had changed but this would help keep us grounded.
In the past, he had brought Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer, Twas the Night before Christmas, Mr. Willowby’s Christmas Tree, The Legend of St. Nicholas, The Gingerbread Man, among others. The year St. Nick brought The Gingerbread man, we started making gingerbread men as a family and has become my favorite tradition. I was hoping he’d bring a book that let us start a new tradition to honor John and us, as we were are trying to develop a new normal.
St. Nick choose the book Night Tree by Eve Bunting. This story is about a family that works together to sting cereal and hang fruit and other treats to decorate a tree. They go out to the woods to decorate the same tree each year with yummy treats, making a Christmas for the animals.
Our Daddy Tree
It’s planted in our front yard and watches over our home.
While everyone was at school, St. Nick came and planted an evergreen tree in our front yard, our ‘Daddy Tree’. As soon as we pulled into our driveway, Eliza noticed the new tree, but there was nothing on the tree to tell us who had planted it. We checked out the tree and then went inside to find a note from St. Nick along with LOTS of cereal to string for garland and birdseed to create ornaments for the tree.
St. Nick’s Day In the Blink of a Fly 
St. Nick’s Day In the Blink of a Fly
Decorating ‘Daddy’s Tree’
Henry stringing cereal garland 
Molly stringing cereal garland 
Eliza stringing cereal garland 
Birdseed ornament 
Fruit Loop heart ornament
We worked for such a long time to get enough treats to fill the tree to create a Christmas for the animals, just like in the story. When it was finally time to decorate the kids were so excited! When we got everything placed and then snapped a picture in front of the tree. We will continue to decorate the tree each year and snap a picture in front. I hope this will be a neat tradition that will show how big the tree and the kids are getting.
The tree has stood in our front yard throughout this past year. It has witnessed the heartbreaks and the happy moments. The kids often go out and talk to the tree, they can feel their dad’s presence there. I’m glad that we were able to keep our Christmas season and St. Nick’s Day traditions going, while adding a meaningful piece. After our tombstone was delivered, I moved home the small temporary marker home, in front of our Daddy tree. Although a tree will never fill the hole their dad left behind, it is a strong reminder of his love day after day. I would love to create some type of fly ornament for the tree, I’ll have to figure out a way to make it edible for the animals.
Tell me, what are some of your favorite Christmas traditions?
In the Blink of a Fly is led by Leah Fullenkamp. Leah is the mother of four young children. Their lives were tragically altered after a crash caused by distracted driving killed her husband and her children’s father. This website is the tale of them learning to live again and serves as a passion project to help prevent distracted driving and this tragedy from happening to someone else.
