Selecting a Tombstone or Monument

Sharing is caring!

Selecting a monument, tombstone, cremation monument, grass level marker, or any other memorial can be full of emotions for many people.  Many times, it is one of the last acts of love for a person who has passed making it sad.  The sky is the limit on choices making it extremely exciting at the possibility of having something extremely unique or very overwhelming depending on your outlook.  

I had the opportunity to visit with Gary Condon owner of Edwin F. Nickol Monuments in Versailles, Ohio to get an inside look at this industry and all that it entails.  I was seriously blown away by the number of options available and I have been through the process twice before.  Read about my journey of selecting a tombstone as a young widow here.

To pre-plan or not…

There are two schools of thought (at least) on monuments.  The first is that the monument is meant to reflect the person who has passed.  The second is that it should reflect the people who will be visiting.  It is extremely helpful to know what school of thought you fall into and make your plans accordingly.

If you want (or don’t want) your monument to look a certain way, strongly consider purchasing and placing yours before you pass away.  Disagreements often happen when children are picking out a monument because everyone has a different vision, and some have louder voices.  To help keep the peace, it is so helpful to plan ahead.

Another argument to plan ahead is that you will have the benefit of paying today’s prices, not the potentially higher cost in the future.  As I am writing this article, the cost of many items are skyrocketing- memorials included.  This is due, in part, to the rising costs of labor and shipping.  If you are married, it could be beneficial to get both partners’ viewpoints and preferences, instead of waiting until one has passed and having to guess what they would have wanted.

Selecting a Monument

Maybe you are thinking something along the lines of “Okay, that’s great, but where do I start?” Great question.  First, decide where you want to be buried and if you want a single plot or if you would like to be buried with someone.  Then go to who owns that cemetery to purchase a plot.  Typically, you are able to pick from a single plot, double plot, or more. The difference in this amount of space purchased will also dictate the size of the monument.  Pay careful attention to the rules and regulations that go along with the cemetery.  Many have height, width, or other requirements that will dictate your choices.  

Research before you go

Take a walk through the cemetery you have chosen and bring your tape measure along.  Note the sizes, colors, and shapes that are visually appealing to you, snap a  few pictures.  Memorial choices tend to follow patterns based on where they are located.  Certain areas of the country or state follow different trends, because of this, it is usually very beneficial to visit neighboring (or distant) cemeteries as well.  However, before you get your heart set on a specific style or size, be sure you check with your cemetery guidelines that it is allowed and that the materials used are still available.  

Now it’s time to head to your local monument store.  All pictures on this post are from Edwin F. Nickol Monuments in Versailles, Ohio if you would like to check them out.  Detailed below are some of the choices that you will be given. 

Size

When you arrive, typically they have many memorials in stock, but you are generally not limited to these.  You are able to special order specific sizes, shapes, and specific stones.  Take some time and look around.  The monuments in the showroom look very different than those in the cemetery, especially in regards to the size.  This is where your measurements from the cemetery come in.  Something could look huge in one setting and tiny in the other. 

Material

While size is a huge factor, the next big factor is the material.  Memorials are typically made of granite as opposed to the marble that was used in the past.  While it is tempting to search online for types and colors of granite, I caution you not to.  Granite used for memorials needs to have a high contrast when it is engraved or etched so that you will be able to read the text and see the pictures that you have added. So the granite used for a kitchen counter may not be a great choice for a monument.  Because granite is a natural product, each piece will look a bit different in regards to streaks and coloring.  The tombstone industry does a great job of assuring that each piece that makes it to this stage is top-notch without many flaws.  

Text

The next factor is what you want the tombstone to look like.  This includes both the text and the images.  Text may include (or not include) your name, birthday, death date, maiden names, nicknames, children’s names, sayings or quotes, or anything else at all really.  The sky is the limit. 

You may not have your death date at the time of ordering and that is perfectly fine.  At the time of your death, for a small charge, they will go to the cemetery where your monument is located and add it on.  Many funeral homes will arrange this service or you can call a monument store directly.

Font choice will be somewhat decided by the color of stone you picked.  A black or dark gray stone allows for laser etching which can be done in any style.  A lighter stone will require thick lettering, to create a deep area, ensuring that it will be able to be read. Be mindful of places that will use paint to darken thin letters, this paint will wear quickly when exposed to the elements.

Images

The amount of text and the size of your monument will dictate the size and placement of images.  Just like every aspect of this process, the possibilities are endless.  Laser etching allows for images to be used, this may include a picture of you, your home, or anything else that was important to you.  John and I have a laser-etched image of a modified electrical drawing he had done.  It honestly, can be anything that you choose.  

In order to achieve the best outcome with laser engraved images, it is very important to have a high-resolution picture.  While this image usually can be taken on a phone, images downloaded from social media are too low of quality to produce the desired outcome.  The better quality image that you have the better outcome you can expect.  Printed pictures can be used as well, but like digital images, the better the physical shape and clarity of that picture, the better outcome.  

A second option for images is ceramic pictures that are epoxied, affixed, and drilled directly onto the monuments.  These have the option to be in color.  This trend began in the early ’90s and monuments featuring ceramic photos have yet to fade or fall off.  

Yet another option for images is clipart.  There are almost an endless amount of options.  The color and size of your stone may potentially limit your choices.  Because granite is a natural material and they literally etch or carve these images into stone tiny details may be lost on some images.  This is especially true with engraving.  When you drill into the stone, small pieces of the image may break off.  So before you find an amazing detailed image online, be sure to check with the company you are purchasing from to make sure it is in fact a viable option.

Smooth versus rough edges

The edges of the monument can be done with rough edges, smooth edges, or a combination.  The bottom edge should at least in portion be done in a rough edge due to the lawnmowers caring for the grass surrounding it.  The last thing you would want would be for a lawnmower to knick the beautiful smooth edge of the bottom.  The top portion is often (but not always) done in a smooth finish.  This helps make the monument easy to clean when it gets dirty from being outside.  This is another choice to make your

Budget

The total costs that need to be accounted for are the burial plot, foundation, monument, and sales tax. Tombstones and memorials can vary widely on costs.  The type, size, and materials of the monument are the biggest determining factors.  An additional cost that you will need to consider is the price of the foundation needed to place your monument on.  Many monument locations will communicate with the cemetery you have chosen on the size of foundation that you need to accommodate your memorial.  The cemetery ultimately pours the concrete needed, this is usually done once or twice a year but will depend completely on the cemetery you have chosen. Sales tax is also an additional cost to consider. 

Whew.  That can be a lot.  You may be able to make your decisions in one visit or it may take several.  It is so important to love what you are picking because it should literally last for hundreds of years.  

Online Stores

There are many online stores that sell monuments that they will ship to you or your cemetery, and sometimes they seem like a great, cheaper option.  But before you buy, consider the following and plan accordingly.  Monuments are heavy.  Like really, really, really heavy.  You will need special machinery and tools to lift them.  If you have your monument delivered to your house, have a plan on how you will get it to the cemetery.  And once it is there, have a plan for who will set it in place.  This requires a lot of skill, machinery, and manpower.  

If you are planning on having it delivered to the cemetery, make sure someone is there to receive the package.  Many places are unwilling to sign for the delivery because of liability if something happened to it during shipping or before it is placed.  You will need a plan for placing the stone in this case as well.  

The Making of a Monument

Once you have an idea of what you would like your monument to look like, the store you are working with will make a mock-up using AutoCAD.  They will be able to put in all of the written information as well as any pictures and give you a black and white drawing of what it will look like.  Once, this design is approved by you, the magic happens.  A stencil will be printed on a thick rubber material.  This provides a guide of where things will go, as well as protects the other areas not being worked on.  

The monument

The stones in a monument come from all over the world.  Depending on what type of granite you pick, will depend on where the stone comes from and what quarry it will be mined from.  This may also determine how long you have to wait to get your stone in, unless you are picking something that is already in stock.  If you have a specific shape in mind, typically the quarry where it was mined will cut the stone at their location. 

Engraving

Engraving is done in a protected room that allows the engraver to see what they are doing and also provides a barrier between them and the Alimuna Zirconia being used.  The Alimuna Zirconia being used reminded me almost of sand, it is blasted into the stone to engrave the rock.  It can be used again and again until it finally breaks down into dust.  Fun fact- Nickol Monuments uses over 4 tons of Alimuna Zirconia in a typical year.  

Something to keep in mind when choosing to engrave is that they are literally breaking off pieces of the rock so that your design can be read.  Small pieces of rock left or intricate designs will most likely break off in the engraving process or during the wear and tear of being outside in the upcoming years.  Therefore, most designs require thick fonts and designs, both to be seen and to stand the test of time.  

Laser Etching

Laser etching does what reminds me of a skim coat on the stone, because of this you need to have a high-contrast stone, such a black or dark gray to utilize this technology.  Laser etching allows for very intricate designs and detailed pictures.  The better quality of image you provide, the better the results.  

To laser etch, the stone is hoisted up onto this machine.  It is lined up perfectly, and the machine will etch the project out, mostly on its own in a matter of hours.  This machine is huge! The machine and the computers needed to operate it literally took up most of a large room.  

Foundation

Typically, the foundation is ordered by your monument store once they know how much concrete your monument will require.  In almost all circumstances, the cemetery or who they hire is the one who actually pours the foundation.  Be mindful of how deep the foundation will be poured, you want it to go below the frost line so that your monument won’t shift and potentially fall as the ground settles.

Setting the Monument

Once the etching and engraving are completed, and the foundation is poured and cured the monument is ready to be set.  They will wait for suitable weather to begin and may do multiple monuments in the same cemetery on the same day. These stones are extremely heavy and require specific machines and a lot of manpower to be set.  You may receive a phone call once it is placed to get your final approval.  

Take the time and preplan

While picking out a monument is not always at the top of everyone’s to-do list, it is extremely important.  And usually, you only have to do it once or twice in a lifetime.  It can be a huge wedge in families who may not agree on what you would have wanted, so take the time and pre-plan yours today.  You have the ability to decide what you will be remembered for in generations to come, it will be literally etched in stone.  I can’t wait to see what you decide, the sky is the limit!  I would love to hear your tips and tricks in picking a monument.