When John died it took me a long time to do anything with his stuff. Months, almost a year. My 4-year-old could not wait for me to get rid of it, not that she wanted John gone, but she acknowledged that he wasn’t using it and we needed to give it to someone else that could. One day I work up and decided that I had to make our room mine. Not that I wanted to make him disappear, I kept all of the pictures up and things of that manner, but it was just too hard waking up and staring at our closet full of his clothes that he would never wear again. It probably didn’t help that we don’t have closet doors, another project that didn’t get finished.
Once I was finally ready to let things go, I had to decide how to make that happen. I could donate it all and be done. Store it all and deal with it later or maybe never. I could have the kids pick out whatever they wanted but that didn’t really seem fair to my youngest.
Deciding what to save and what to discard
At some point in my journey, someone had mentioned a grown adult who had lost a parent in early childhood. Not only did she not remember her dad, she had no mementos because they had all been given to her older siblings. I didn’t want that to happen. So, I figured I could save something for each of them and then when they are grown they could decide what to do with it at all. I was also well aware of the phases I went through growing up and felt it was impossible to predict what project they would want to complete using their dad’s shirt or pants, or boots.
Next was deciding what to save. John wore the same handful of shirts for years. He wore them to the point that they were see-through, then he would wear them a few more years. He had clothes that he had been given that still had the tags on and a few gently worn shirts. The idea of giving each kid a shirt that he had worn while holding them was quickly overwhelming; one shirt was in ALL the pictures. And I wasn’t completely ignoring the fact that I wanted a few things for myself too. So the task sat.
Pillows from old shirts
Right around this time I received a letter from an amazing community member (Thank you Kaye!!!!) who offered to make all of the kids a pillow from a button-down shirt. They picked their personal favorite out and she made an adorable pillow embroidered with “When you hold this shirt I wore, know I am near. Love, Dad” they each have a secret pocket inside of the buttons.
She asked for an extra white shirt to make a ring bearer pillow for when they get married. š That is serious enough to get the tears flowing!!!! And ended up making a pillow for me too!
Plastic Tubs for Storage
All boxes created equal. They each contain a similar combination of shorts, pants, hoodies, shirts, cut off shirts, dress shirts, socks.
Eliza, Henry, Molly, and Greta can each pick a box and do whatever they wish with the contents.
Finally, I decided that I would create four, separate but equal tubs. Each tub would have 2 pairs of jeans; one nice one work, 2 polos, 2 button-down shirts, 2 socks, 2 cutoffs, 1 iconic well-loved shirt and something unique. I made sure each tub has a shirt with his work logo and a uniform shirt. These tubs had a combination of all of the things worn by their dad. I left out the gifts that still had tags, boxers, and big coats that weren’t worn. I also was sure that they got a full tub and the extras were put into a garbage bag to prolong the decision making.
Little Girls Dresses
Then, while perusing Pinterest, I discovered that you could make a little girls dress out of a men’s XL dress shirt. Guess what I have. Men’s XL dress shirts. I passed along the idea to my very talented mother-in-law and gave her free range for dresses for the two little girls. Here’s what she came up with!
Teddy Bears
We weren’t done there. Again, my amazing mother in law had the idea to make a teddy bear from another shirt. At this point, I am in awe and shock that he even had this many shirts… but then I realized that he had never thrown away or stopped using any item of clothing for the past 20+ years.
I gave my MIL a few shirts to pick from a button-down, a fleece, a polo or two. We had gone away for a few days and came home to this:
Talk about adorable! After she got started, she was on a roll. She ended up making a teddy bear, puppy, or kitten for each of the nieces and nephews, siblings, my kids, and me. As of today, she has made well over 15 bears!
Seriously, how adorable is this! If she gets in trouble, she will go and snuggle her bear. I find that so interesting because she has many stuffed friends to choose from, but she always picks this one. Here is the pattern. #ad
It’s okay to donate
Just in case you feel you need permission to donate or toss your loved one’s things (you don’t), I’m giving it to you. It is absolutely okay to donate or toss anything that you like, although you may want to ask other loved ones if they want it first. You don’t have to do a cute project with it. You can, but are not obligated to. You do what you need to do to heal. It is clothes, not the person.
I honestly can say that the bears, pillows, and dresses have definitely helped us to begin the healing process. It is comforting for me to know that if there is a project that will come up in a few years, I did save things to make it happen. š
In the Blink of a Fly is led by Leah Fullenkamp. Leah is the mother of four young children. Their lives were tragically altered after a crash caused by distracted driving killed her husband and her childrenās father. This website is the tale of them learning to live again and serves as a passion project to help prevent distracted driving and this tragedy from happening to someone else.
