John wore the same shirt all. of. the. time. It was the shirt that his graduating class designed and all wore during his senior year of high school. Except for John, well he never really stopped wearing it! I begged. I pleaded. I argued that he would be closer to a senior citizen than a senior in high school.
It’s a little bittersweet now, knowing he will never be a senior citizen and was killed at 36, closer to a senior in high school than a senior citizen. But now it is a symbol of our love, so many precious memories happened when he was wearing that shirt. Now, I’m doing everything I can to keep these memories alive.
The senior shirt was displayed at John’s funeral. When it was hanging there, you could literally see through it. The shirt was so worn it was almost transparent. At some point, he had cut off the sleeves, as he did with most of his shirts and this added to its transparency.
This was a shirt that really couldn’t be turned into a pillow or a teddy bear or anything else really. It had barely enough threads left to be considered a rag.
Helping his mom cut corn while wearing his Senior shirt 
Helping my Dad take out the old wood burning stove
Our first Christmas without John or his shirt
Our first Christmas was rough, really, really rough. People were so incredibly kind, beyond words amazing, but we, especially me, still struggled. My Brother-in-Law, who is an amazing artist, created a pin of the shirt from a picture of the shirt at the funeral. So incredibly sweet.
He did this as a secret project, he even kept it quiet from his wife, John’s sister. At the last minute, before he ordered, he showed her. It was almost perfect, but she insisted that the sleeves be cut a little lower, a little deeper. This cracks me up because she is right, it wasn’t a normal cut-off shirt… it was a DEEP cut shirt.
The kids now have one of these pinned to their bookbags and I have one hanging in the kitchen and in a few other spots. They gave a pin to all of the siblings, in-laws and nieces and nephews.
OUR senior shirts
I had shared the pins with a few of John’s friends and classmates. A few months later, one of his classmate’s Mom was cleaning and stumbled upon his senior shirt. He sent me a message if I would like it and yes! That would be AMAZING!
The kids were quite jealous of my shirt, so I decided to have four made for them by my sister. They were over the moon excited! The kids insisted that the sleeves be removed to match their Dad’s shirt!
Keeping memories alive helps heal
I have found that keeping small mementos around really helps keep the conversation flowing with my kids. It’s important to me that it never becomes forced or awkward. I want them to be able to ask the questions that they want to know, to be able to feel like they know him, at least a little.
Something as small as a favorite t-shirt, his senior shirt, could be easily forgotten, especially when it comes to describing their dad to them. But this t-shirt, it tells so much. It shows his thriftiness, he didn’t replace it at the first sign of wear. It had stains and oil marks from the many projects that he took on and didn’t hire out. The shirt is present in so many of his pictures, including the one above where he is helping his mom cut off corn to be frozen and stored.
Grief is a funny beast. The smallest things can bring the biggest comfort. The smallest things can send you into a whirlwind of emotions, both good and bad. The shirt you begged and pleaded for him to start wearing… you get your own and get one for each of the kids.
What was your biggest comfort when the person you loved passed? What would be the token item people would remember you by? How do you keep the memories of your loved ones alive?
In the Blink of a Fly is led by Leah Fullenkamp. Leah is the mother of four young children. Their lives were tragically altered after a crash caused by distracted driving killed her husband and her children’s father. This website is the tale of them learning to live again and serves as a passion project to help prevent distracted driving and this tragedy from happening to someone else.
