Almost exactly one year after my husband was killed, I had the opportunity to address the court at the trial. I spent a really long time writing this, it went through countless revisions and if I could do it again today there is so much that I would change. Especially after hearing the sentence. However, this is what I read, my Victim Impact Statement.
The Victim’s Services department in my county helped me know what to expect through the entire process. They attended every pre-trial event with me, and stood behind me during the trial in case I couldn’t read it or decided that I didn’t want to. I was able to read it, I didn’t cry, I didn’t stutter, I was mad. Mad that this was my new reality over something so dumb. Shopping online while driving… why would you do that?
It has been 11 months and 27 days since you killed my husband. 361 days I’ve lived without John. A lifetime to go.
Isn’t it amazing to think that none of us would be here today if she could have just put down her phone and focused on her driving, which clearly needed her attention? Every aspect of my life wouldn’t have been changed. My kids wouldn’t cry for their Dad Every. Single. Night. For their dad who is never coming home.
I wouldn’t know what it is like to hold my 6-year-old son at the head of the coffin, bawling for his dad. Our 4-year-old daughter wouldn’t have funerals for all of her favorite dolls because everything that she loves, dies. Our 9-year-old would have been able to give her Dad the gift she had spent weeks last year preparing for Father’s Day. A gift that will forever go unwrapped because you killed him the night before. Our youngest was only 8 months old, she will never know her dad. She will never know the pure joy our other children felt when their dad threw them in the air or snuck an extra treat their way. Our family was complete for only 8 short months. None of us will ever be the same.
Our youngest was only 8 months old, she will never know her dad.
You have crushed every dream of ours. My future looks nothing like it should, the future we have been working towards for our entire lives, we followed all of the rules, we did everything right. I am now a single mother of four kids under ten. Do you have any idea what that is like? Do you even care?
In the background of the pictures from the crash is my Dad’s farm. John and I had purchased this farm after my Dad passed away, only two years prior. It was our dream to own a farm. You have not only destroyed my life but now, etched in the background of my childhood home, is the scene of John’s murder.
You have told so many people that you are having nightmares about the crash, looking for sympathy, I guess. You’re not the only one having nightmares. Not only am I dealing with my own issues, my children’s issues, and the negative ripple effect of relationships around me, I am now living a nightmare that I have no chance of waking up from.
You’re not the only one having nightmares.
You have negatively impacted my children and me but also our siblings, parents and grandparents, our nieces and nephews, cousins, our neighbors, farmers in the community, coworkers, friends, our kid’s classmates, the entire surrounding communities, and every person who has heard of this or has met John or I have been impacted.
You are a 55 years old Grandmother. You had alcohol in your vehicle. You didn’t go to see if he was okay after the crash. You weren’t even wearing your seatbelt. The crash was on a Saturday, you went to work on Monday. You were shopping online for at least 16 seconds without looking up. I hope your purchase was worth killing for. You live on a farm and are married to a farmer. You have had ANOTHER speeding ticket in December. You have not learned a thing. You have not changed your reckless behavior.
I hope your purchase was worth killing for.
John isn’t much older than your own two boys. My wish for you is simple. Each time you see your sons with your grandchildren, I hope you think of us and that moment that you stole from us. You think of us every birthday, Christmas, wedding, Daddy Daughter Dance, family picture, big moments, and small moments. You think of how you shattered these times for us. You think about my children who will grow up without their father. Their dad who would have given anything to be here.
My other request is that today, when you leave, you be the first to go, because there isn’t a single person that wants you driving behind them; if it were up to me, you would never drive again.
Please, Judge, give a sentence that I’m not ashamed to tell my children.
If it were up to me, you would never drive again.
I wish I could tell you that she received the maximum sentence, and it served as a reminder to everyone to stay off of their phones while driving, but that isn’t what happened at all…. not even close. Her sentence was extremely light, to the point of it being completely embarrassing. I dread the day when I have to tell my children what happened, that the lady that valued shopping more than a human life only received 90 days in jail and was given work release after six weeks. Hopefully, by then, I can say something like, ‘nothing would have been enough; your dad was amazing.’ But for now, I have lost all faith in our justice system. I have lost the belief that your punishment fits the crime; now, I believe that jail space is valuable, and if you are a good citizen, who works to pay your bills and make a living, your life simply doesn’t matter in the eyes of the court. Our laws need to change.
When I drive down the road where the accident occurred, many are on their phones… still. Maybe they are so busy with their lives that they would welcome a six-week vacation if they would kill. Our laws need to change.
Her license was suspended for five years but was given work privileges after 180 days and will be on probation for a while. The worst part of her sentence is that she is ordered to go into schools to talk about what happened. I have not been allowed to talk about my story until everything is finished, the reason I had to wait to start this blog, but she is ordered to go and talk. Utter bullshit. My kids’ peers will be exposed to her nonsense. If you are one of the unlucky ones who have to listen to her, please do not tell me she is sad and I should be sympathetic; I cannot imagine hearing anything worse.
In the Blink of a Fly is led by Leah Fullenkamp. Leah is the mother of four young children. Their lives were tragically altered after a crash caused by distracted driving killed her husband and her children’s father. This website is the tale of them learning to live again and serves as a passion project to help prevent distracted driving and this tragedy from happening to someone else.
